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🌟 Branson: The Geriatric Equivalent of Spring Break

🌟 Branson: The Geriatric Equivalent of Spring Break

These seniors didn’t come to play. They came to SLAY.

I rolled into Branson thinking I was gonna be the wild card.
Turns out? I was underprepared for the sheer energy, choreography, and orthopedic confidence of these seasoned party professionals.

Let me say it louder for the people in the balcony:
SENIORS. DO. NOT. PLAY.


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🎰 Early Bird Gets the Buzz
Forget bottomless mimosas—these folks are living on black coffee, mint gum, and decades of don't give a damn.
By 9:00 AM, they’ve hit the buffet, bought tickets to a matinee, and power-walked half a mall.

Meanwhile, I’m still trying to find my sock and figure out if I left my charger at the motel.

👟 Sequins, Sass, and Sensible Shoes
Y’all. The FASHION.
Bedazzled denim. Matching group T-shirts. Blouses that sparkle harder than Vegas on New Year’s.
And don’t get me started on the footwear—those orthopedic sandals got more arch support than my last relationship.

And honey—they DANCE.
Line dancing, two-stepping, clogging, chair aerobics with choreography that would make Beyoncé sweat.

🚌 The Tour Bus Mafia
You think spring breakers are wild?
Try 42 people named Shirley with matching visors and a group schedule tighter than a cruise ship itinerary.

They got snacks.
They got laminated name tags.
They got church fans with rhinestones.

And they will body-check you in the hotel lobby if you’re between them and the last slice of pie at the buffet.

🎤 Tribute Show Takeover
I sat next to a lady named Mavis at a Dolly Parton tribute show who yelled “TAKE IT OFF” when the impersonator winked at her.
Her friend Lucille had a flask in her bra and offered me peppermint schnapps like we were at Coachella.

I’ve never felt safer—or more alive.

🌈 What Branson Taught Me:

You’re never too old to be the life of the party.

Glitter is timeless.

Eat the dessert first.

And if someone offers you a Werther’s Original, say yes. It’s basically a blessing.

So yeah—Branson?
It’s not some sleepy little town for bingo and slow strolls.
It’s senior spring break with sequins, sass, and enough energy to knock you off your feet—literally, if you’re not watching out for Mildred’s dance moves.

These seniors came to SLAY.
And Trixie?
She came to take notes.

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